He goes away and then comes back. He leaves, then comes back, then leaves again

Quite often, women have a question, why do men always come back? Their psychology is like this. Firstly, by nature, the stronger sex is a hunter for whom it is important to achieve love, and then, having reached the goal, lose interest in the conquered object in order to get what they want again after a while. And secondly, they are selfish, believing that all women are at their feet, and even more so those who have already known his love. Although there are other reasons for the return of men to their ex. Here we'll talk about them.

10 reasons men return

1. I don't want to start over. Relationships from scratch is a rather complicated process. First of all, you should always look decent - clean, shaved, smelling good and well dressed, because this is the only way to attract a beautiful person. Then she needs to be interested - look for topics for conversation, go on dates, etc., after that find common ground, establish friendships, gain trust, and after that you can talk about love. In a word, continuous problems. But men by nature try to avoid them as much as possible. Therefore, they strive to return to the place where everything is already established, to their comfort zone.
2. He knows you best. He knows very well your habits, views on life, as, in principle, you know him. He will compare every woman with you, because you are a kind of starting point for him. And even your shortcomings for him can become virtues when he starts dating someone else. Since you have become his ideal.
3. Memories. People usually remember only the good, so all the events associated with you pop up in his memory only in a positive way. That is, for him, you are a bright spot in his current gloomy life, full of troubles and worries. You made him happy, and he wants to repeat these moments again and again.
4. He follows you on social media. It is believed that these are only women who love to spy on the lives of their exes. In fact, men also carefully read what his former passion publishes. But the most interesting thing is your photos, in which you are surprisingly attractive (thanks to photoshop). He admires you, notices how beautiful, fashionable, stylish and successful you are. He didn't know you like that. And to be convinced of this, he really wants to see you in order to hear firsthand about the successes.
5. He has changed for the better and wants to brag about it. Perhaps you were with him for several years, during which you tried to make him more successful, more respectable, more beautiful, smarter, etc. But he resisted as best he could. But years passed, and he became what you wanted him to be. And now he wants to show you an improved version of himself, so that you realize who you lost and regret it very much.
6. He misses you. Men can have a lot of reasons for breaking up with you, perhaps even very valid ones. Now he is very remorseful and admits his mistake. After all, we always dream about what we do not have. When he was with you, he dreamed of another, but, having lost you, he realized that you had become his dream.
7. Others are no better than you. He broke up with you thinking he would be happier with someone else. After all, there are so many beautiful women around him and all of them need to be known. But literally after several unsuccessful experiences with the fair sex, he comes to the conclusion that no matter how many beautiful and interesting people of the opposite sex are around, you are the best, because he was so happy with you.
8. Intimacy After all, he already had an intimacy with you, so why not repeat it again? This is how every man argues, by nature they skillfully separate intimacy and close spiritual relationships. Even if he has a pretty and interesting partner, and you are happy with another guy, he still sees nothing wrong with meeting and getting close a couple of times. After all, you are such relatives ...
9. Jealousy. If you broke up many years ago, he still considers himself your main man in life, to whom you must be faithful until the end of your days. He is especially annoyed by the fact that you can be happy with another. Men do not like to lose, and even if he no longer loves you, he is simply infuriated that someone can please and delight you. After all, only he can do it.
10. You can't resist his charm. Well, at least he thinks so. No matter how long ago you broke up with him, he believes that at any moment he can return to you, because you will always love him. Perhaps, in some ways, the man is right: all the same, each of us has memories of how it was once good with him: you were younger, more carefree and more attractive, you were loved, wanted and desired.

Most likely, there are other reasons why men return to their exes, but the fact that each of them wants to return the former beautiful moments is a fact. Such is the male psychology. And, perhaps, you will even agree to meet him and in the depths of your soul you will be happy, but on the other hand, does it make sense to enter the same river twice? Decide yourself…

When the guy you dated and fell in love with leaves you, you often miss him and ask your girlfriends, "Is he coming back?"

Even when you've lost all contact, you can spend a decent amount of time reading relationship advice and strategy on how to get your ex back and how to make him miss you.

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You don't really need to worry, because there always seems to be an ability for ex-boyfriends to resurface after breaking up with you - especially if you finally feel like you've had enough and are ready to move on with your life.

As if everything before was not enough, men will return to your life again and again with an air, as if they had never wanted it to be over before.

There are many reasons why guys tend to do this, and understanding them can help you decide what to do when he suddenly shows up and you're trying to figure out if he really loves you and whether you need to get back with him - or not.

Here are 5 reasons to consider before deciding to get back with your ex.

1. He's not sure he made the right decision.

Many of us do not have a clear understanding of what healthy people look like. We learn our role models early in life and if our role models were parents who fought constantly, we are likely to do the same in our own relationships as adults.

If a guy is used to walking away from conflict, that might explain why he walks out every time things get really tough. The same goes for the guy who always chooses to fight. Perhaps he grew up with unrealistic or unhealthy relationship expectations, which is why he hears wake-up calls, as his understanding of the ideal relationship is one in which a couple never argues.

For many men who have grown up with these thoughts, it is often easier to just walk away. But when things calm down and he starts missing you, he wonders if he made the right decision. It is these doubts that prompt him to climb back into your life.

If so, it's unlikely that he's trying to hurt you, especially since he's really confused about what to do.

2. He is not interested in others

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence - until you cross over to the other side and realize it's just an optical illusion.

When it comes to becoming a couple, some men are afraid of losing their freedom and may retire if the relationship gets too intimate. But once he has all the freedom, he may find that other options just can't compare to you.

And here he again begins to look for contact, because he understands that everything was too good with him to let you go.

3. He tests your limits

He may not be doing this on purpose, but if your ex breaks up with you and comes back, it's possible that he's testing your boundaries to see what kind of behavior you're willing to tolerate.

For example, there is a woman whose boyfriend breaks up with her right before he goes to festivals or on long trips, and immediately upon his return asks to return again.

This guy is not to blame for this scenario. You teach people how you want to be treated. If you accept your ex back after he has repeatedly broken your heart, you will let him know that you accept his bad behavior.

4. He feels guilty and wants to be comforted.

Most people don't want to break anyone's heart. That's why they often feel guilty and try to be your friends or stay in touch - they want to make sure everything is okay.

They don't always realize that they're actually making things worse by inadvertently giving you hope that you'll get back together.

5. They regret breaking up with you.

Everyone makes mistakes. The guy who broke your heart but comes back may regret his decision to end the relationship. During one of the studies, scientists found that 43% of men regret breaking up with a partner.

Maybe the guy just made a mistake. It happens to everyone?

When you date men, there is no doubt that some of them can break your heart.

What matters is how you deal with it.

Why go back to an ex-girlfriend, if once it was decided to leave? This question torments all women who, after separation, began to be overcome by calls and visits from former boyfriends. Psychologists immediately warn: not all reasons are as optimistic and sincere as we would like, so weigh your decisions well ...

Why do ex-boyfriends go back to their previous lovers?

You can not fit all the examples under the same brush. Each specific departure and return of a former man is unique: psychologists start from the original reason for the breakup, the psychotype of a person, his visions, attitudes, character, compatibility with a partner, etc. Only then can one accurately determine the motive for the return of a single person. Today we will consider the most common reasons for which the former reminds of themselves.

So, why do men return to former passions:

Unrealistic expectations from a breakup

Psychology sometimes plays a cruel joke with us, forcing us to appreciate something only when it is lost. Here the former return just for this occasion. Moreover, they can leave for completely different reasons: to take a sip fresh air, escape from the routine, go in search of something better, due to a midlife crisis, etc.

Usually a man returns to an ex-woman, because he realizes that no one needs him, there will be no one better than her, so it's time to start appreciating the bird in your hand, rather than chasing the unknown. Here, the former partner rarely elevates a woman to the rank of the most significant people, basically he just needs to return to his comfort zone. He is scared, confused, depressed. So think three times: do you need it, is it worth accepting someone who returns because of their own unjustified hopes?

fears

If your ex was a childish and insecure person, it is fear that will drive him back to you. Basically, he ran away out of fear. At first he was afraid serious relationship, obligations, responsibility, future. Surely you noticed how he walked away from “adult” conversations, decision-making, was afraid to make promises, avoided situations where he had to prove himself a man, etc.?

What makes him come back? Now the ex appears on the horizon because of the fear of change. He is so unadapted to life that he is afraid to start his life from a new leaf, to get acquainted with other girls, to get used to them, to conquer. It is better to return to a place where everything is clear, foreseen, calm, reliable, smooth. If we talk about the timing, then in this case, the ex-boyfriends return quite quickly: from a week to a couple of months.

Disappointment in a new passion

This reason for the return of the former is considered one of the most common among married people (those who are together for an extended amount of time). Men, carried away by another passion, naively assume that with each new girl will be even easier, more comfortable, better. After all, she has a different character, similar views, understandable positions. She doesn't demand, she doesn't scream, she cares, she serves breakfast in bed, she satisfies every need...

But what is really happening? In real life, you need to work on new relationships, and all dreams of an ideal life together are shattered by harsh life. It turns out that the companion cannot remember in any way that her partner does not tolerate garlic, does not know how to iron shirts, refuses to discuss the evening news, etc. Passion subsides, and disappointment comes to replace it.

And when people do not want to get to know partners, get used to each other, build the foundation of relationships, a man realizes that the former chosen one was an ideal companion for life, therefore, with all his heart he strives to return to her.

Jealousy

Jealousy, which makes men return to the former, psychologists call primitive instincts, otherwise it is difficult to explain its nature. Jealousy closely borders on possessiveness and selfishness, but selfishness will be taken out as a separate reason a little lower.

Sometimes male psychology jokes bad jokes with the representatives of the stronger sex. Some guys are firmly convinced that after a breakup, girls should suffer until the end of their days, dry over lost relationships and, in general, devote their subsequent lives to monasticism. What is their rage, surprise, disappointment when a woman allows herself to start new novels! This becomes a good reason for a man to show up, remind himself, seek meetings with his former lover, endlessly cut off the phone, without hiding his emotions. But keep in mind: having reasoned with you and driving away your opponent, it’s not a fact that the ex-boyfriend will stay with you for a long time!

Call of Duty

An exaggerated sense of responsibility and duty is another reason why exes return to ended relationships after breaking up. Unlike infantile individuals, there are men who return to their former chosen ones at the call of conscience. This mainly applies to families where children are present, but their presence is not necessary.

If there are children in the family, exemplary fathers return for this reason. “You are a man, so you must be responsible for your actions, be responsible for what you do, act according to your conscience,” boys are taught from childhood. If the guy had a personal example (a decent father), then this man will be the same. Not giving a damn about inner feelings, he will still return to do “the right way”: give children a full-fledged family, provide for and educate them, give them the necessary education, etc. Whether it’s good or bad, it’s up to the woman to decide. You must understand the true essence of the family reunion: the former man returned not because of feelings for you, but because of his own principles. What to do with it, think carefully!

Also, the former return due to problems with the previous chosen one. Illness, pregnancy, financial difficulties, moral instability, etc. In this case, a man is driven to reconciliation by guilt, pity, anxiety, a desire to help or protect a loved one. It is unlikely that the listed motives are connected with love ...

selfishness

Selfishness closely borders on jealousy, but it has a slightly different meaning for the return of former chosen ones. Absolutely every man is an owner, and the degree of possessiveness depends on the accompanying factors. Some representatives of the stronger sex, by associating themselves with a woman, actually appropriate her for themselves. And not only the companion herself, but everything that surrounds her: relatives, the territory where she lives / works, friends, places of leisure, etc.

As soon as the former partner notices that the previous chosen one is becoming happy, independent, successful, cheerful, the real instinct of the protector wakes up in him. He will begin to make any attempts to regain the attention of a woman: he calls to find out about business, insists on meetings, shows his interest. Usually only teenagers and young men play with feelings like this, but if a mature man behaves like this, this is a real disaster. With such chosen ones, more than one woman was left crippled!

The former boyfriend is firmly convinced: women are property that only they have the right to dispose of! Even if the couple has already broken up, he will still defend HIS! So if a man returns when he was forgotten a long time ago, when everything is getting better for you and you have already breathed deeply, you should know that he is ruled by pure selfishness! Why do it? Prove your irresistibility, significance in front of you, confirm your influence, once again raise your self-esteem.

Selfish men, returning to their former passion, do not think at all about the feelings of another person, they are guided solely by their own desires!

Love

Not all reasons why former men return to past relationships, are destructive in nature. Sometimes couples reunite due to awareness of their own feelings.

This happens in several scenarios. A man can leave to understand himself, to know his desires, to understand his feelings. Or as a result of the mistakes made (his own or his partner), in order to consider further behavior. This is not the main thing, the main thing is that a person really understands himself before he decides to return. This is the mature act of a true lover.

Separation makes it clear to people in love a lot: do they want to be together, are they ready to accept (appreciate) each other, work on relationships, etc. Psychologists say: if a man leaves a relationship to think everything over, he returns after that for the whole a life!

And although women experience separation more acutely, psychologists insist: no matter how the matter ends, no matter what the outcome happens, take it as a life stage, and not the end of the world. If the ex-boyfriend expresses a desire to return, the main thing is not to rush. Hasty decisions are the worst enemy that prevents you from weighing everything properly! Trust your feelings, observe, analyze. Let only love rule your relationship!

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Why do men return after a breakup? It is impossible to give an unambiguous answer regarding the reasons for returning after a breakup, since it concerns the individuality of the intimate history of each unique relationship. However, there are trends that are the most common. It happens that they come back after trying several other relationships, which gives the formation of an experienced understanding that the former woman is more suitable, her significance increases. The everyday side of the issue also works, forcing a man who has had enough of romance and adrenaline to miss the arranged life and his usual slippers. There is also enacted jealousy, as an engine towards the past, and the inability to survive the new happiness of the former companion. Duty to children, reproaches from friends, image at work, mortgage payments, a sense of shame, domestic ineptitude - everything can become a motive for returning. Although the most ethically correct reason why men return to their ex after breaking up is the desire to be together, due to mutual feelings and the same direction of life guidelines.

Before a woman becomes a difficult choice about taking back a man who wants to return. Such a passage through the crisis can give a new understanding of relationships, or it can take time and nerves, and the success of the completion of such an undertaking depends on the initial motives, the efforts made and internal capabilities.

Why do men return after a breakup - psychology

Parting is a complex emotional process experienced by women statistically faster, but more tragic than men. The mismatch of speeds provides a picture of when she went through all the stages of grief and decided to start new life, only freed from painful memories, so the former lover appears on her threshold. The interest of women in why men return to their mistress after parting is also generated by the feelings of those women whom they leave when new novel suddenly stops, and then the lady finds out that her man has returned to his previous relationship.

To explain such actions as a sudden insight and understanding of one’s mistakes, as well as a decision to correct everything, is romantic enough, but psychology can offer several more not so comforting versions. With an inexhaustible desire to find ways to influence the return, it is still impossible, because the reasons that encourage a man to return lie precisely in him, and only a small percentage probability of returning depends on the personality and behavior of a woman. A man who does not know how to close gestalts, who manipulates departures, who is inclined to return, will continue the old relationship, regardless of external circumstances.

Why men return after parting to their mistress can be explained by the mechanisms laid down by nature on. So, every man is an owner, the differences are only in how this manifests itself and how developed this feature is. Entering into a relationship with a woman, a man appropriates her to himself, like other achievements, from now on she herself and the space around her is his territory, the entrance to which is forbidden to others. When parting, the former woman remains the same (i.e., this is still his territory of influence), and, therefore, seeing her happy and cheerful (as indirect manifestations of love), or accompanied by another man (as a direct act of intrusion on the perceived territory) a defender turns on in a man. It is the desire to defend his own that makes him reappear, call, find out how things are going or resort to more catchy actions if the opponent is close enough. If everything is determined precisely by this mechanism, then as soon as a woman’s eyes go out again and flocks of admirers stop curling around her, such a man will disappear.

Rising higher from the natural-animal level, one can encounter when a man is sure that every woman he meets will take care of him equally well and fully, performing maternal functions in some way, not taking into account the internal characteristics of a woman as a person. And then, having gone to another energy and everyday space, he does not receive the degree of care to which he is accustomed. Whether due to the fact that the new companion is not able to perform such duties, or because she has not yet remembered what kind of cottage cheese he likes for breakfast. Leaving back to an infantile position looks like a departure to warmth and comfort, accompanied by a clash with reality and the impossibility of all women to treat a man in the same way.

But there is also a return caused by a sense of duty, guilt or pity. It is characteristic of people with high morals and who are not able to be fully responsible for the chosen path. A man can stay close when the former has a material crisis or there are serious health problems, he can stay because of the children or to avoid the censure of society. This appearance does not lead to good, it is a deceit on both sides - one pretends to appreciate, the other pretends to believe.

But not all internal returns have an unpleasant aftertaste, and it is worth stopping at those that have a positive charge and a chance for a new development of relationships. One of such reasons is when the departure of a man is provoked by the objective shortcomings of his wife. It happens that a woman stops paying attention over time, both to herself and to relationships, and the departure of a man becomes, albeit a shock, but an occasion to look at her own life and where the disregard has led. If a woman took up her appearance, instead of the usual “yes, it’s okay”, she began to attend interesting events, started new hobbies, then she becomes an interesting conversationalist. People who are carried away and take part in an active external life attract the attention not only of new acquaintances around them, but also arouse significant interest from former partners. With such a changed woman, a man can remember former feelings and burn with a desire to continue, especially if the reason for the separation has undergone drastic changes.

And one more reason to renew the relationship, when none of the above is motivating, and the man really realized his own mistake, or the mistake of his woman. With real deep awareness, inner work takes place and if there is sincerity, then it is possible to discuss difficulties that seemed insoluble at the time of parting. With this approach, instead of getting rid of troubles, people choose the path of their resolution, and then a meeting at a new level becomes possible.

Why do men return after breaking up - the opinion of men

The opinion of men regarding their own return to an ex-girlfriend is somewhat different than the explanations of psychology. Initially, it all starts with a simple interest in how he lives. ex girlfriend, interest on the one hand is idle and if nothing interesting happens in her life, then perhaps it will no longer appear in the coming year. And if a career break happened or a personal life improved with another guy, this causes both interest and indignation that all these goodies happened without his presence.

If a couple is connected by common children, then a man considers it quite natural to appear regularly in the life of his ex. Sometimes these appearances can cross the line, such as staying overnight or asking for a loan of money. Many allow themselves to expose a new man to their ex, citing the fact that he is the father here. Defending one's territory and protecting children from the influence of another man, by violating their mother's privacy. Such actions can even pop up not on purpose, at a basic subconscious level.

Why does a man leave and then come back? The prose of life is included when comparing the new and old passions. You can pretend that we are all saints and perceive a person without the use of standards and comparisons, but if this is not the first relationship, then comparison cannot be avoided. The men talk about new girlfriend everything seemed to them easier and more romantic until reality knocked on the door with a heavy boot called “everyday life”, and until it turned out that she snores, hysteria every evening and is absolutely not adapted to life. At such moments, a man’s bright image that lives in cafes and parks collapses, and the former woman is remembered, with whom both characters and habits have already become accustomed, and in general she remembers how his favorite meat should be fried.

Why do men return after a breakup? Psychology notes in this regard that comparison and are the main engines of returning back. It is both easier to live with a past lover and easier to build relationships, because all the paths to her heart have already been explored. A certain spiritual intimacy pushes men to remember and appear with their ex when there is longing in their souls, when the contract was not signed, when they quarreled with a friend and in other unpleasant situations. The habit of receiving emotional support from this particular woman can remain for many years to come. Well, then another habit “not strangers” and now the relationship seems to have resumed.

A sufficiently large percentage of men cannot give a clear answer to the question of what served as an incentive for the resumption of relations, explaining that everything somehow happened by itself. Or when there is a long period of absence of relations, then the reasoning of the idea tends to find a simple and quick solution to the problem, and the girl who has already been achieved and abandoned once will be easier to achieve the second time. In part, the statement is true, because if the girl at least responded to a new communication, then there is still something left inside.

Such revelations were received in individual conversations, but if you ask what version these same men would tell women, then everyone would prefer to talk about the desire to renew relationships, repent of their own actions, and confess their love only to this one woman. Which of these to believe is up to each individual, because if of all the women this man decided to build relationships with you, then perhaps this is dictated by sincere feelings, and he really values ​​​​you and everything that you give him.

You should not return to someone who already once abandoned you, afraid of the responsibility and duties that you wanted to see from him.

Women often do not understand why men first leave, throwing sharp, like a knife blade, the words “I don’t love”, which seem to cut into the very heart, and then after some time, they return or want to return. In fact, everything is quite simple. Men come back because they were comfortable with you. They liked how you loved him and how you cared for him. I liked that in his life there was someone who just sincerely and unselfishly loves. Therefore, the fact that a man has returned does not mean at all that he has changed his mind and finally realized how madly he loves you.

Those who are truly loved are never so easy to leave.

Yes, sometimes it happens that a man needs time to understand himself and understand whether he really loves you, and for this, he may need to feel that he is losing you. But this does not happen so often, because being in a relationship with you is enough long time, I think that somehow it would be possible to understand and understand whether he loves you or not.

After all, if for this he even needs to leave you, thereby hurting, then think carefully, do you even need such a "long-thinking and understanding of himself" man? After all, those who are truly loved are never so easily left.

Perhaps this man liked you very much, but he still was not ready for what you were striving for so much and you were ready for a long time. He was simply not ready to take responsibility for you and your future family. Wasn't willing to put in the effort and compromise when you were fighting over something. In fact, your man just didn't love you enough or not at all. Therefore, as soon as you started talking about your future together and made it clear to him exactly what you want from him and your relationship in the future, he simply left.

But a little time will pass, and he may begin to miss you, and then even want to return again. This all happens because a man no longer feels pressure on himself, because you no longer require him to decide something, you do not require serious steps, and you have even been able to survive and let it go, or even met someone with whom you are thinking of moving farther.

And then the man begins to understand how good he was with you and how much he lost. He sees that you can be happy with someone else, and this hurts his self-esteem very much. He wants you back so that he can first of all get back all the comforts and privileges that you brought into his life. He again wants someone to love him as strongly and disinterestedly as only you could do. An egoist and an owner can wake up in him, who simply does not want to share "his" with someone else.

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But understand that this is not love. After all, if you were truly loved, would you really be able to pick it up and leave it like that, disappearing in an unknown direction? Therefore, you should not return to someone who already once abandoned you, afraid of the responsibility and duties that you wanted to see from him.

Of course, you can try again to glue the broken vase, but as soon as the man realizes that you have forgiven him and are already completely in his power again, do not be surprised when everything happens again. You will begin to raise serious topics, make plans for a joint future, and he will most likely freeze again and collect his things. The circle will close. The circle from which you need to escape once and for all.

Understand that in such a situation there are only two options.

• The first is when a man really changed his mind and realized that he loves you and, most importantly, he is ready to marry you even tomorrow, because he is no longer afraid of any responsibility or duties that will appear after that. Of course, in this case, if you really love this man and are ready to live with him all your life, you can try all over again.
• And the second option is if you see that the man, as he was, remained unprepared for something serious. This can be easily understood if he says something like: "Let's just try, and we'll see", "Wait and see" or "But we had such a good time together, why spoil everything?" And he returned simply because now he is no longer living as well and comfortably as it was with you. In this case, feel free to put an end to these relations. You certainly won't be happy with them.

Move on - towards the one who will never give up on you, because he simply cannot leave and imagine his life without you. Remember that you deserve a relationship with just such a man and just believe that you will definitely have them.